dont mess with my mapo doufu
by sephirothisahipsterhoe
Summary: i suck at summaries and i don't know how to explain the story in the first place


disclaimer: i own nothing nothing

mapo doufu said to be so spicy that most people eat it with a mountain of rice (otanashi from angel beats)

i always loved spicy food(tsukune)

year 2009,1:15pm,cafeteria,nomnom middle school

pov:3rd person

a young 15yr old teen with brown eye's and black hair that is tsukune aono was waiting in line impatiently eyes glued to the student in front of him hoping if he willed it hard enough the line would go faster to reach his goal:mapo doufu.

this went on for another 4.7 seconds (yes he is ocd every second matters when it comes to mapo doufu) before a guy with blond hair came up to him.

he looked and acted like one of those guys that try to always intimidate everyone to feel like he was worthy of being worshipped by the weak and females, rage filled his eyes hopefully he wasn't coming to disturb my mealtime while my eyes didn't break from the start of the line.

"AONO" he roared

unfortunately he was.

"its komiya saizo" the guy behind the guy behind the guy that was behind tsukune whispered fearfully to his friend behind him.

"who?" the guy behind the guy behind the guy behind the guy that was behind tsukune asked.

"you don't know? he is the school bully" the guy be(you get already) said to his friend.

tsukune looked up at said angry looking teen with a questioning look, tilting his head slightly. "is something the matter komiya-san?".

at this saizo withdrew a rolled up booklet from his pocket and shoved in front of tsukune's face it was a history work assignment with a big fat red F on the top left corner.

"what is this?" saizo growled pointing at the F.

"it's the letter that comes after e" tsukune replied in a sarcastic tone.

at this saizo grew even more enraged and said in a voice barely above a whisper "what did i tell you to do yesterday?"

at this tsukune thought back and entered a flashback

FLASHBACK to yesterday afternoon

tsukune POV

the teacher just finished handing out homework assignments to the class when the bell rang signalling the end of the day.

tsukune just finished packing his books & utensils away and made to get up when a shadow loomed over him sighing he looked up only to find saizo grinning at him.

"hey tsukune buddy i was wondering if you could help me with my homework you see i'm going on a...date? yes date tonight and i won't have time for homework so you're going to do it for me ok! oh and make look like i did it if you know what i mean... or else". he said threateningly and with that he threw the booklet at him and left.

tsukune looked at the booklet and thought 'damn he can talk' shrugged and put in his bag and left.

end of FLASHBACK

"I remember and did as you asked so whats the problem?"

saizo was taken aback by that, did he not know really not know what he did wrong? well he was going to make it clear "the problem,THE PROBLEM IS IT LOOKS LIKE ITS WRITTEN BY A PRESCHOOLER"he all but roared into tsukune's face. he was at the brink...(he better start begging otherwise our protagonist is gonna suffer a premature death i mean its not like...)

"exactly!"he replied with a happy tone (he didn't? he did! he really did... it was nice knowing kid)

"explain" saizo says confused & angry(in other words tsukune my boy you get to live now don't say anything to make him more angry and you're good...maybe)

"you told me to make it like you did it so i thought elementary and then remembered he said to make it look like he wrote it, so preschooler maybe? but then i thought still to much intelligence so then i thought the most moronic,retarded,preschooler ever and kaboom(your life is over) inspiration" he explained(wow iii i got nothing apart from WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?)

at that moment there was nothing but silence, shock was expressed on every single face teacher and student (which i like to point out did nothing but stand there and watch. with students that the norm but teachers are meant to stop this. they should be fired just my opinion)alike except for two the first was tsukune whose expression was

annoyed 'i really want that mapo doufu'(talk about single minded) the second was saizo's his face was red as a tomato with anger(be really awkward if it was the other reason:/)

saizo roared finally gone over the limit he balls up his fists aiming to vent all his rage on the one responsible for said anger in the first place "TSUKUNE AONO YOU ARE DEAD" with that he launched himself at his soon to be victim(may he rest in peace or in this case probably pieces)theres nothing tsukune can do save himself.

or so everyone thought.(a.n and now to screw any kind of logic that this fic had if it had any)

saizo's POV

'he really is stupid if he attacks me time to show him what i'm made of' suddenly an image of a bald guy wearing tights and cape flashes before his eyes(wtf?)

suddenly tsukune balls his fist raises it to striking position and charges at saizo while

yelling "ILL END THIS WITH ONE PUNCH"(a.n can u guess where this is from? if you do you get a virtual cookie)(you're kidding the guy is like a masse of muscle and you're just some smartarse nerd there is no w)

3rd person POV

the two fists collided with each instantly a boom like a cannon was heard dust flew everywhere people watch in anticipation

1 minute passes then another by the dusts settles they see a shadowy figure emerge, the victor is(a.n insert drum roll)... TSUKUNE AONO.

(no fucking way THATS NOT POSSIBLE okay a prolonged fight maybe and thats assuming a smartarse nerd could fight but ONE PUNCH ARE YOU SERIOUS?)

the whole student body that was in the cafeteria erupts into cheers happy that the bully saizo komiya is no more(wait you mean he killed him and nobody gives a damn the guy was an ass sure but he didnt deserve to die wtf is wrong with this school)

epilogue

tsukune POV

sitting at a table tsukune was mopping with a single tear running down his face(i guess he feels bad for obliterating saizo and here i thought nobody cared well i misjudged you)

"sniff sniff all the mapo doufu was destroyed in the blast"(i spoke too soon you. are. a. heartless. monster)

"excuse me" a feminine voice said behind him. he turned around and saw a young woman with raven black hair done up with pigtails(handlebar style) and purple eye's wearing a corset? weird(oh really thats whats weird?... i give up) but most importantly what she was holding(wait don't tell me)

"i saw you over here by yourself it looked like you were sulking so i asked some of my classmates why were like this and they told me you didn't get to eat and i was wondering" she looks down at her feet a soft pink hue spreads across her cheeks "i if you would like to share lunch with me?" she looks up at him hopefully "its not much just mopo douf-"

"IWOULDLOVETO" he practically yells. she smiles at him and sits beside him "by the way i'm tsukune aono may i inquire what you're name is?"

she flashes him a brilliant smile and replies "toujou ruby its nice to meet you"

THE END

a.n i do apologize to everyone who read this to the end, i wrote this at 3am and decided to attempt to write this fanfic, i honestly this is my first attempt at writing if you couldn't already tell so any feedback that won't completely destroy all my self confidence would be nice, cheers also i had a little assistance from my best friend cowering rocket like one paragraph + one half of a line


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